


I Wish I Knew the Seat You'd Choose at the Table I Built for Us (Day Five-Love Letters)

by swampslip



Series: RDR Sapphic Week 2020 [5]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Confessions, Epilogue, F/F, First Kiss, Getting Together, Love Letters, kinda unintentional outing of sadie via john reading her letter to abigail, mentioned marsmith, qpp john/abi, rdrsapphicweek2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:15:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swampslip/pseuds/swampslip
Summary: “It’s been too long since we’ve talked. I’ve been busy, makin’ ends meet,”John pauses again and Abigail hears him swallow roughly,“Sometimes it feels less like livin’, alone, and more like survivin’.”“Can we invite her down?” Abigail murmurs and her hands fret near John’s shoulder.“… Do you want me to read this?” John asks, a bit hoarse.“Yeah?” Abigail frowns and looks up at John’s furrowed brows as dark eyes scan the letter, “Is it bad? Is she alright?”“She’s fine,” John says slowly.
Relationships: Abigail Roberts Marston & John Marston, Sadie Adler/Abigail Roberts Marston
Series: RDR Sapphic Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978327
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41
Collections: RDR Sapphic Week 2020





	I Wish I Knew the Seat You'd Choose at the Table I Built for Us (Day Five-Love Letters)

**Author's Note:**

> context is post abigail coming back but pre-micah and sadie is still a bounty hunter and Charles is with John 
> 
> uncle is... somewhere, probably

“Abigail, you got a… A letter,” John says slowly as he comes over to the dining table, “It’s from Mrs. Adler.”

“Oh, Sadie?” Abigail asks, standing quickly and stepping closer. 

Her heart seems to hitch in her chest like a physical draw towards the lightly crinkled envelope. 

“Can… Well,” Abigail murmurs, “Can you read it for me?”

John looks at her for a moment, then out the window where he can see Jack playing in the yard with a chicken. 

He thumbs open the envelope and glances over the script before moving his focus to the top.

 _“Dear Abigail-”_ John pauses, re-reading the next line several times, _“… I woke up this mornin’ missin’ you.”_

Abigail blinks at John then looks down at the letter, shuffling to stand next to John, staring at the words she can’t read but knowing it’s Sadie’s hand…

 _“It’s been too long since we’ve talked. I’ve been busy, makin’ ends meet,”_ John pauses again and Abigail hears him swallow roughly, “ _Sometimes it feels less like livin’, alone, and more like survivin’.”_

“Can we invite her down?” Abigail murmurs and her hands fret near John’s shoulder.

“… Do you want me to read this?” John asks, a bit hoarse. 

“Yeah?” Abigail frowns and looks up at John’s furrowed brows as dark eyes scan the letter, “Is it bad? Is she alright?”

“She’s fine,” John says slowly. 

“Please, John?” Abigail says and squeezes his upper arm lightly, “I’ll work on my readin’ again but I-”

 _“There are days when I wish you were here,”_ John says quickly, _“Days where I think about you workin’ in the barn with me, in the kitchen, sharin’ coffee again-_ Abigail…”

Abigail presses her lips together nervously. 

“I don’t think she intended anyone else to read this,” John says thickly. 

“I’m sorry,” Abigail says, “I don’t know if we ever… If I ever told her I can’t. You or Charles always helped.”

“You know that we… I get it,” John murmurs, “I’m not mad or anythin’.”

Abigail brushes his fingertips over the shoulder seam of John’s shirt, leaning her face down to press her forehead against John’s arm. 

_“Havin’ you in my bed,”_ John says slowly, taking a deep breath, _“I thought about tellin’ you, years back, how I felt and if you didn’t return those feelin’s there was plenty of other things to focus on.”_

 _“I don’t know if I waited too long, I know John-”_ John stops for a moment and squints at the script, his nose wrinkling, _“John and Charles have somethin’ goin’ on-”_

Abigail presses her lips together harder to stop herself from smiling at John’s offense. 

“You didn’t exactly hide it,” Abigail murmurs. 

“Still- She just-” John huffs and crosses his free arm over his chest, _“But I don’t know about you and John.”_

“Oh dear,” Abigail says quietly. 

_“… And even despite my uncertainty, there’s somethin’ in my gut that tells me he knows,”_ John’s mouth quirks to the side and he pauses, scanning lower in the letter, _“That I’ve held feelin’s for you.”_

“Did you?” Abigail asks. 

“I… If anyone had asked, I would’ve bet on yes.”

Abigail huffs softly and lifts her head. 

_“And if I’m wrong, if you have no interest in me, or these thoughts I’m havin’, you can pretend you never got this letter. Burn it, or bury it, or feed it to a cow for all I care,”_ John says and amusement bleeds into his voice. 

The writing has been unusually formal for Sadie and John wonders how much thought was put into each word choice for so long until the impatience and frustration broke through and _Sadie_ bled back into the tone. 

_“There’s a storm headin’ in now, and I need to get this sent to you,”_ John sighs quietly and lifts his hand up to rub at his cheek as he reads the last two lines, _“If I’ve made you uncomfortable, please don’t respond… If you’re just gonna tell me you’re disgusted or you hate me. I’d prefer your rejection as silence, rather than hate, and I’ll leave you alone._ Signed S-A.”

“Jesus, John,” Abigail says roughly and there are tears in her eyes now, “When’s this dated?”

Leaning in, looking for the date, cause at least she can read those. 

“… Ten days ago.”

“Oh my god,” Abigail whispers.

“… It’d be quicker to ride out, than wait for the post,” John says slowly. 

“Jack-”

“I can-” John starts and checks his angry tone, falling silent for a beat, “I can take care of Jack… Charles will be here, as well.”

“I’m not tryin’-” Abigail whispers, “I don’t wanna fight, right now, please.”

“I’m sorry,” John says quietly, “It’ll be fine, though, alright? If you’d rather go now.”

“I gotta…” Abigail mutters and wraps her arms around John tightly, squeezing until he grunts softly in protest of being crushed. 

“Go get packed,” John whispers into her hair, “I’ll get a horse ready.”

“Alright, I-” Abigail swallows and pulls back, pecking a kiss on John’s cheek and squeezing his arms, “Thank you.”

\--

It’s muddy and dreary, eight hours straight in the saddle but Abigail feels her heart swelling as she rides up to the ranch Sadie’s claimed as a home base. 

Abigail rides around to the front of the house and slows to a stop, raising her voice over the wind. 

“Sadie?” She calls out, cupping one hand to her cheek, gripping the edge of the saddle anxiously with her other. There’s a clattering from behind her in one of the barns and Abigail turns around to see Sadie leaning out with a chicken in her hands, thick wool over her ears. 

Her eyes going wide and bright with recognition. 

Sadie drops the chicken, despite its indignant sound as it flaps its wings and scurries back into the coop. 

Practically running up to the horse, then skidding to a stop a few feet away. 

“Shit, Abigail, you real?” Sadie asks and Abigail’s chest feels tight at the sound of that gravely voice, at the look of awe and terror as Sadie tugs the scarf off of her head and leaves it hanging around her neck, looking up. 

“Well, I think so?” Abigail looks down at herself then pulls her leg over so she’s sitting side-saddle, holding down one hand to Sadie, “You wanna help me make sure?”

Sadie makes a rough sound and pulls Abigail down and immediately into her arms, holding the younger woman tight against her chest and Abigail hides her smile in Sadie’s hair, reaching up to grip either side of the scarf. 

“Jesus,” Sadie mutters, “Last thing I was expectin’ was you… Ridin’ in like some kinda angel.”

“Angel?” Abigail laughs loudly and pulls back to look at Sadie, “You flatter me!”

 _“Let me,”_ Sadie begs and it’s desperate again. 

Abigail blinks, stunned into silence by the pleading. 

“Please, Abigail, let me,” Sadie whispers and squeezes Abigail’s waist, grips at the edges of Abigail’s corset through the shirt, “Please.”

“Go on, then,” Abigail says quietly, studying Sadie closely, _“Flatter me.”_

Sadie’s eyes close tight and she ducks in pressing her lips to Abigail’s, tentative and stiff and Abigail grips the scarf tighter, twists it, tilts her head and pushes up into Sadie, deepening the kiss. 

“God,” Sadie pulls back to whisper, “Waited so damn long for that, swore so many times you’d catch me starin’ and lookin’-”

“I didn’t,” Abigail says and her cheeks are wind-chapped and flushing deeper as Sadie’s hands tug at her waist, bringing their bodies closer, “I really didn’t.”

“You were… There was so much goin’ on,” Sadie swallows, “I- Well, you read what I wrote.”

“John read it for me…” The younger woman admits quietly, “I… Can’t.”

“Oh,” Sadie says hoarsely, “Oh Christ.”

“He… Told me to go, to go to you,” Abigail whispers, “He ain’t mad, I’m sorry I couldn’t read it- I didn’t think you’d… I wouldn’t do that on purpose, I hope you know-”

Sadie’s mouth catches hers again and Abigail makes a small sound into the kiss, tugging at the scarf and Sadie moves her hands up Abigail’s sides, ghosting over the swell of her chest under the boning and Abigail laughs softly, pulling back. 

“Eager, Mrs. Adler?”

“Don’t- _Sadie_ ,” The older woman begs hoarsely, “Anythin’ else.”

“Alright,” Abigail relents and brushes her thumb over the muscles in Sadie’s neck, “You’re thin.”

“Just- Been busy,” Sadie whispers and it’s apologetic and Abigail shakes her head, “I’ve got food, though, if you’re hungry, you can eat. There’s plenty of wood and water as well, and I’ve got-”

“ _Honey_ ,” Abigail says softly, pressing her palm to Sadie’s cheek to stop the older woman, “You don’t gotta bribe me, calm _down_.”

“I’m calm,” Sadie mutters and now her face is ruddy as well and Abigail can’t stop herself from smiling wide and leaning back in to press a kiss to that flushed skin and Sadie’s nose wrinkles lightly. 

“Heard you been runnin’ ‘round huntin’ bad men,” Abigail murmurs, barely pulling back and Sadie’s hands flex on her sides at the tone, “Got any new scars to show me?”

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/gwennolmarie)   
>  [horny twitter](https://www.twitter.com/swampslip)   
>  [tumblr](https://providentialeyes.tumblr.com)


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